Unrealistic Expectations

I think it was my second week into the “Rehab program” when I only lost one pound. To me, that was totally unacceptable. Some of my thoughts ran something like this: “No way! I’m not going to change my lifestyle this drastically to only get THIS result! This is not fair.” What I was really saying was, “I expect to lose the same amount every week that I lost the first week. I expect for this to not be so hard. I expect for this to not take so long.” There is nothing wrong with me anticipating results from a changed lifestyle. But I realized a couple of days after my initial disappointment that I was having unrealistic expectations on myself and the program. It was not reasonable or practical to actually think that I would lose my weight overnight. I didn’t put it on that way and it wouldn’t come off that way. I remember the doctor telling me that she was pleased with my progress. To which I quickly responded, “Well, I’m not.” Outwardly I was polite, but inwardly I was really disappointed. My unrealistic expectations were not producing the unreasonable result I anticipated and frankly it ticked me off. In my disappointment, I was tempted to throw in the towel, forget the whole thing and just continue living my life the way I had been living it. I mean, “Who cares really? We all gotta die of something, right?” Thankfully, I saw pretty quickly that my reasoning was out of line. This is some of the very thinking that has kept me overweight for many years. Would I allow my thinking and beliefs concerning this issue to be changed? What difference would it make for me to press on, push past the hard place and choose wisely regardless of how long it took?

Meanwhile, in a different part of my life I had been feeling as though others had unrealistic expectations on me relationally. I felt like I was expected to act out of their understanding of what loyalty is. I felt like I was not allowed to be imperfect or to react out of hurt. It felt as though others had me on a pedestal that I wished to never have been put on. As a result of feeling this way, I thought “No one understands me”; “I am constantly misunderstood”; “They don’t know the real me”. Out of those beliefs about myself and others, I began to retreat. I pulled the blanket around my heart and withdrew to myself and others that I felt did know me and understand me. I was no longer interested in the fight. It was too hard to fight for healthy relationship with some who I perceived didn’t get it. It became easier to just let them be who they were and I would maintain on my own. A form of self-protection; for what I was really saying was, “I’ll protect myself and not get too close so that you cannot have the power to hurt me.” By not expressing to them how I feel and allowing them the opportunity to see me in a deeper way, I remove the possibility for continued close friendship. I miss out on them and they miss out on me.

In much the same way, my unrealistic expectations of the weight loss program seemed parallel to the relational situation. I needed a different perspective on things. It takes time for someone “morbidly obese” to lose a significant amount of weight and fat percentage. In an imperfect world, we must be willing to accept the reality that something worth having will be hard and difficult at times. Our society has placed Barbie on a pedestal and we often think we have to be loyal to our childhood icon. The worse thing I could do to myself at this point of the weight loss program would be to retreat, self-protect and stop fighting. I chose to press on. I did not give into the “voices in my head”. When I reached the fifth week, I didn’t lose any that week and my whole mindset was different by then for having worked through this issue on unrealistic expectations. I approach the final couple of days of the 6-week journey and my resolve is greater now than 4 weeks ago. It is amazing how my mind has been changed on so many different levels concerning all this. As for the self-protecting on the relational situation I mentioned….well….let’s just say, I am working on it. You pray for me, okay?