Week Two of Rehab

Ok…so I had my first appointment with Dr. Sarmiento and everything, (well, almost everything) went really well. I got a great report, had some great success and one criticism. All in all, I was encouraged and set out for Week Two. But here is the more important news of all: “Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed.” (John 3: 20) I know, I know…that sounds so discouraging, huh? Not really what you were wanting to hear, I’m sure. Just as it wasn’t exactly what I wanted to hear either. Sorry. (Sort of.) But it is true.

Remember how I told you that I am in the middle of a study of Psalm 119?? The Psalmist is talking about how much He LOVES God’s commands and precepts. Most of you know that I talk a great deal about the value of studying the Scriptures inductively and how much I love to do that. But tonight I’m thinking, “Can I really honestly say I LOVE the commands of God?” I couldn’t, if I were going to be perfectly honest. I like the fact that they are good for me and a protection for me…but LOVE them?? And I realized by the time I got to reading the portion in John, that honestly my fear of exposure keeps me from LOVING his commands enough to rearrange my busy schedule to meditate on them very long. As if this wasn’t convicting enough, somehow my cross-referencing took me to this verse in Job: “I have not departed from the commands of His lips; I have treasured the words of His mouth more than my daily bread.” (23:12) Yeah, right! Here is a man that is suffering more than any of us can imagine and he says he treasures God’s Word more than his food.

There is something here for me to learn and to choose to believe: I can turn to God and His Word as I go through this time of having my focus shifted from getting my needs met through the use of food. I can learn to love His Word more than my daily bread. I can look to Him to sustain me, to encourage me, to revive me. I can trust Him and His promises. I can consider the ways I have been doing things and turn in repentance to His ways. He urges me to “hasten and not delay in keeping His Word.” (Psalm 119:60) But in order to do any of this, I need Him….I need His rescue…and I need His Light. “But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light…” (John 3:21) The reality is that “men love darkness better than light” and His Spirit wants to change us. When I am believing the dark lie that I am being deprived when I cannot have a slice of pizza today…or a piece of chocolate raspberry cheesecake, then what I need more than those temporal substitutes is to come into the light and see the truth that I am NOT being deprived. I am making good choices as I delay gratification for a better outcome.

How do I sit at Brixx Pizza with my family and watch them enjoy their pizza while I enjoy my nutrition bar? How do I carry on a conversation with my mother and friend at O’Charley’s and sip a cup of tea with my nutrition bar while they have a salad? Was it crazy for me to enjoy the company and conversation with my husband and eldest son at Pomodora’s today? Something at the core of my heart and belief system is being changed and it has absolutely nothing to do with willpower. It is a miracle and I am experiencing it live and in person. I have come into the light….the exposure is there and I am no longer ashamed. I am asking God to give me a love for His Word unlike I have ever had before; to grant me the discipline to leave some other “love interests” to spend more time reading and meditating on it until I treasure it more than my daily bread.
No, this was not exactly all that I thought God would reveal to me when I agreed to join the Weight Loss Rehab program, but He knows best and I trust Him. So, onward we go.