My name is Cynthia and I am an addict.

Have you ever noticed how faithful God is to get all up in your stuff?? It seems like it will happen when you least expect it or in ways that are not at all what you were searching for.

I’m studying and leading a group through an inductive study of Psalm 119 right now and it is really rich. And per usual, God is all up in my stuff. But really He started meddling around in my heart several months ago. I just thought I would write and tell you about it. As you know, I have been experiencing some discomfort with the right side of my lower body: right knee pain, hip and joint pain and basically creaking around like an old woman any time stairs are involved. I usually have a pretty high tolerance for discomfort, even had all three of my children totally naturally, which some would say was absurd. However, this continual and worsening joint pain had really gotten my attention, so I began the journey of seeing multiple doctors. After two MRI’s, dozen or so X-rays, trial and error anti-inflammatory medications and failure at completing exercises on a regular basis and no real diagnosis, I figured out my own problem. (Of course, a couple of the doctors affirmed this for me but I didn’t really want to hear it from them, so I dismissed their advice until I came to the same conclusion after the fact.) Here is what I came up with: “I think I am a little overweight and maybe if I could lose a few pounds it would help take some stress off my joints.” So, I began to do some research and investigate some options since my past experience with dieting and losing weight has not been very successful. As a matter of fact, some years ago, I settled into the reality that I was who I was and I was okay with me in terms of my size and weight. As Dr. Phil might ask: “So, how’s that working for ya?” Well, honestly, up until this recent joint pain situation, it worked fine for me. But like I said earlier, the constant living with joint pain and approaching the beautiful age of fifty has changed my mind. So, I set off to doing something about my weight for physical reasons and thought I had a pretty healthy attitude about it all. That is, until I met Dr. Cheryl Sarmiento. (She specializes in Bariatrics.) After less than 20 minutes talking to her, she looked me straight in the eye, with a no-nonsense demeanor and said, “You are not mindful of what you eat. Consider yourself in rehab for the next 6 weeks.” She went on to explain the four categories of weight: normal, overweight, obesity and morbid obesity. Now, you have to know me: I KNEW I was overweight. Note the above confession: “I think I am a little overweight and could stand to lose a few pounds.” But as I continued to be educated by Dr. Sarmiento, she showed me that according to the metabolic scale readings, I was actually in the “morbid obesity” category. Trust me, between the stark realities of being morbid obese, not mindful of what I eat and in deep need of rehab, I was feeling quite humbled, to say the least. Slowly and startlingly, I was being made aware that I was more than just a “little overweight”. Part of what went through my mind was, “How did I get here?” “I can’t do this program she is describing to me.” “What if I don’t like the way it tastes?” “Screw this whole thing: I’m going home and continuing to live my life the way I have been living it.” But somewhere between the time of her leaving the examining room and leading me in to talk with Dana, the Weight Loss Consultant, everything about this visit turned from physical to spiritual. Just a few weeks ago I had been really struggling with some concerns for a family member’s alcohol use. During those weeks of inner turmoil and wanting to “fix” his problem as I perceived it, I distinctly sensed the Holy Spirit say to me, “Cynthia, your weight issue is no different. You have the same problem.” Now today, in Dr. Sarmiento’s office, I heard essentially the same thing.

I have come to realize a couple of things about how God deals with me “bountifully” (Psalm 119:17) One way is that He never lets me stay too long trying to judge and fix another’s sin, without showing me my own. Secondly, He is always faithful to show up, invade my heart and expose the underlying issue that is keeping me from experiencing the abundant Life presently. Before my doctor’s visit, my joint pain was the issue. After the visit, my addiction with food was the real issue that needed to be dealt with. Of course, underneath the food addiction is a greater problem that has to do with the spiritual and I will talk more about that in my next letter. When I write again, I’ll talk about how God has faithfully made His way into my business by getting all into my stuff…and what He is showing me as I feed on His Word to replace feeding on things that are not good for me; body, soul or spirit. All of this is related…and I am on a journey as I did agree to join the “rehab program”. Stay tuned for more as I process all this. I plan to journal my way through it in my blog and hopefully it will help someone else with whatever addictions they may have.