An Unlikely Pedicure

My name is Viola. I lived a really long time ago and you probably wouldn't even know any of my relatives. I wound up in a very sinful lifestyle and was so engrossed in it with no conscience at all that it was so sinful. I was surrounded by a multitude of others who got caught up in the same thing - looking to lovers to prove my self-worth, acceptance and value. They all used me, got the best of the service I had to freely offer and most of the time I was never compensated financially for my harlotry. I mainly did it because I thought it was just what you did...and everyone around me seemed to be doing it...so I convinced myself that I was right.  Over time, I was very self-righteous about my lifestyle, very arrogant and full of pride.  I was even convinced that Yahweh Himself must have been so proud to have such a loyal soul on a cause. One day I hit a breaking point. All my lovers began to leave me one by one and my world as I knew it crashed all around me. I was devastated and wished to die. I had no idea that a series of events was actually being divinely orchestrated to bring me to the True Lover. This strange Lover began to convince me of His unconditional love and acceptance. I started to sense that there was nothing I could do to pay Him or do for Him or give back to Him.  He accepted none of my bribes. I was so empty, lost and desperate I chose to believe what He was telling me. I followed Him around everywhere He went to teach; always staying at a distance. I always feared what others would think of what I was doing and what my true motives were. This one particular day, I saw him go into a certain man's house who was pretty well-to-do. As I peered in the windows, I could see that his house was immaculate and full of decorative ornaments. There were so many guests milling around, I could barely see the Teacher.  I wondered if I could just sneak in and crawl under the table without being noticed. I was desperate to hear more of what this Lover had to say, but mostly I wanted to thank Him in some way.  I had an old bottle of my finest perfume still tucked into my blouse, just in case I might need it to lure some affection and validation. My bottle represented all that I had come to depend on to get what I desperately needed - validation, approval and value. I can't believe I actually managed to arrange myself inconspicuously under the table right where the Teacher was reclining.  In my desperation, I didn't even notice the man of the house staring at me. I could feel whispers and destructive voices, but I'd often heard those in my mind.  I wasn't sure if they were real or imaginary. Nevertheless, I had to do what I had come to do. I was desperate to show this new Lover my extreme gratitude.  I unplugged the top of my vial of perfume and as soon as the familiar scent rose to my nostrils, the flood of memories of all my previous lovers overtook my emotions. I began to weep uncontrollably. Like incense lifting to the heavens, my pride, arrogance and self-righteousness left me. With extravagance, I let all the expensive perfumed oil pour onto this man's feet. My repentant tears mingled with all my perfumed sin, covering His feet.  Through my tears, I saw the dirt from His day's journey that had encrusted his sandaled feet begin to melt to the floor. My long hair that I had used many times over to charm my previous lovers, I now used as a towel to bathe His feet.  I noticed a new scent wafting through the rich man's house - a fresh, clean scent no longer emitting the old memories.  I lost all concept of time, having bathed both of His dirty feet with my oil, tears and hair.  His remark to the man of the house, hearing Him call someone by name, startled me into reality of where I was and what I was doing. "Simon, I have something to tell you," I heard Him say. It wasn't until then that I realized this man, Simon, had been watching me.  I don't know when I had been caught, but the Lover's voice distracted Simon's stares. I honestly couldn't tell you what happened next. I think I blacked out as the familiar fear of disapproval washed over me so vividly.  How could I get out from under this table? How can I make an escape while He has this guy's attention?  Realizing I had no where to go and no way out of this strange place of worship, I relaxed into the floor wishing it would open up and swallow me. Just then, when I was completely at the point of receiving whatever was going to happen next, I heard the Lover say to me as I felt His love-peirced eyess look right at me: "Your sins are forgiven. I accept your beautiful offering of worship here today. I know that you are full of much gratitude. Your faith has saved you; go in peace.  In that sacred, miraculous moment a peace like I've never known swept completely through me.

(To be continued....)

My Sanctuary on the North Sea

June 17, 2013

The North Sea of Scotland

As far as my vision will allow me, I see midnight blue of ocean waters

And I glance down to the ancient stone I'm sitting upon, hues of brown - 

The sky is a light, but bright blue

The sun is above and yet behind me, warming my back

The white caps of the waves are here, there and over there

Gentle, yet sure, some splashing up stronger than others

Way in the far right distance I can barely make out the sail of a lone boat, almost as if it is part of my imagination

The beach is all but secluded

A pair over there, and another elderly couple back there

But I am all alone, secluded, solitary - and yet engulfed with Great Presence

For She is all around me, encircling me, protecting me, steadying my way with a Sure Foundation beneath me

The Great Spirit swoops down and lifts up again off the waters beyond me in the seagulls

They chirp happy, delightful thoughts and then back out of sight... for now

May the sun continually rain warmth upon my shoulders

May there be fresh and daily wisdom as gentle as the splash of the waves

May I know the depth, the width and the vastness of Love that is expressed in the blue ocean

May I learn to trust like the graceful, effortless glide of the egret, landing safely to the next place on life's journey

May I find strength and stability undergirding me like the remains of an ancient castle, refusing to give up

On this solitary journey, may I find comfort in the Great Presence surrounding me. 

Another couple dared to venture near me...sitting on the stones to my right...I didn't like it that they entered into my private ocean view. I like being here alone. The winds seems to have picked up a bit...I'm feeling a little chilly, even though the sun is still warming my back. I could be here for hours and hours. I never tire of this view, this scene, this smell of salt and fresh, clear air. 

The blue is striking. It's not turquoise, but it is a lovely blue. Oh I look to my far left and out closer to the water sit two fishermen on the stones. I don't mind them. They are far enough away and not watching me, judging me, accessing my presence here. They can stay on my beach. Yes, that is it. It is MY beach...or at least it feels like it is mine. I have never been on such an isolated beach. I am so use to colourful beach umbrellas and a long line of beach chairs full of chatty people.  Too many people. This is more right for me. Quiet except for the music of the waves and the occasional chirp of a passing seagull.  Even the few people here are quiet, almost as if this is a reverent sanctuary awaiting a silent worship service.  This was just for me this past hour on my beach on the North Sea. Here I don't have to listen to another or offer insight and counsel. Here nothing is expected of me or from me - I get to simply receive; take it in, bask in it, breathe it in. Breathe it. Breathe. Receive. Be refreshed for the journey. Allow new vision and creativity to be wakened within me. 

Thank You, Abba. Thank You, Lover of my soul. 

Encountering the Divine in Glasgow

Encountering the Divine in Glasgow
June 10, 2013 - Monday

I'm in the city of Glasgow, Scotland. My intention was to have a day of solitary reflection and usually I seek quiet, contemplative places for that. However, I chose instead to start my day with a tour of the Kelvingrove Art Museum. I had not taken into account that perhaps there might be dozens and dozens of school-aged, chatty children on field trips. Even the cafe was chatty when I stopped for a cup of tea. Then there was the one server who whisked about back and forth in such a hurry, never quite picking her feet up so as to create this annoying sole-sliding sound across the floor. "Pick your feet up when you walk, Child", I wanted to say, but didn't.  I just connected my headphones to my cell phone and listened to some piano music to try to gain the ambiance I wished for.  After my tour, my soup lunch and tea, I decided to walk across the street to the "quiet park". Surely I could find a quiet spot there...only to discover more happy squeals and playing on the tall slide from the children.  When I finally sat down on a bench under a canopy of green leaves, the song of birds and the slight distant chime of church bells filled my ears. I read my Lectio Divina Scripture found in St. John's gospel and began to reflect on the scene he was describing. Still distracted, I decided I needed to find a wi-fi spot, have a glass of wine and sit with my classical music playing in my ears.  So, I walked...and walked...found the wi-fi spot and another cup of tea (no wine here). There in a different way I was able to hear God's voice speak through John's gospel. All the busyness and noise and chaos of our lives chatters on... much like my day today. But in every place I saw evidence of God's presence all around me. Even though I was alone, walking through the parks and trees and streets of Glasgow, I was not alone. Reflecting on Jesus' question "what are you seeking?" revealed that I was finding the very thing I was seeking, by simply following His lead. The words of the following song speak to how the disciples may have been feeling when Jesus asked them, "what are you seeking?" and then told them, "come, and you will see."

"Lord, I'm tired, so tired from walking, and Lord, I'm so alone. Lord, the dark is creeping in, it's creeping up to swallow me, I think I'll stop and rest here awhile. *This is all that I can say right now. This is all that I can give. This is all that I can say right now; this is all that I can give. That's my everything.* Lord, did You see me crying; oh and did You hear me call Your name? And wasn't it You I gave my heart to? Wish You'd remember where You set it down... This is all that I can say right now. (I know it's not much) This is all that I can give. This is all that I can say right now; this is all that I can give. That's my everything.  Didn't notice You were standing here...didn't know that that was You holding me...didn't notice You were crying too...I didn't know that that was You washing my feet. *  (David Crowder Band)

Often when I feel that God is distant, uninterested and not coming through for me, it is then that in reality He is right there in the midst of what I am going through. He is standing right there with me, holding me, crying with me and even caring for me, washing my feet.  Jesus is in the streets of Glasgow while at the same time in SC and even in the streets of Raleigh, NC.  So then I imagined John and two of his disciples standing on the corner of one of these streets here in Glasgow. Andrew was one of them. All of a sudden as a Man passed by them on the sidewalk, John spoke to them telling them Who that was: "Behold, the Lamb of God." So when they heard John say that, they took off following Jesus.  Sensing someone following Him, Jesus turns around and asks, "what are you seeking?" They called Him Rabbi (which means Teacher), which implies to me that they wanted to learn from Him. So they expressed their desire....named their desire in His presence with the following question, which answers His question: "Where are You staying?"  In other words, we want to learn from You, we want to go where You stay and spend time with You. I believe He knew their heart, read their minds, knew their desire, as if He had been the One who had given them that desire and so He answers their desire with: "Come and you will see."  So they came, they stayed and they stayed all day. Afterwards, they (or at least Andrew) were so impacted, Andrew found his brother Simon and brought him to Jesus saying, "we have found who we've all been looking for."  And Jesus took one look at Simon and re-named him Cephas (which means Peter).  Jesus is always right here with us. He is always the One comforting...holding us...even when we don't notice it is Him. He cries with us when we cry...when we hurt....when we're tired. He is always with us, in us, for us. He is the Great Foot-washer.

Thank You for hearing my desire, Abba. Thank You for this solitary day. I feel as though You and I have walked through Glasgow together today. I've loved being with You.  In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Journey of Rhythm

Journals of Scotland

May 30, 2013

Arrived in Scotland at 2am my time. Very tired, but thrilled to see Sandi. After seeing her flat and having a cup of tea and a "wee" chaat, I went straight to the shower and & dived into bed. Slept for several hours. My ears/sinuses were so stopped up I could barely hear a thing when I lay down, but when I awoke, all was well and I felt refreshed. We ended up watching Ms. Potter, the movie about Beatrix Potter. What a great way to start this journey. Right after Ms. Potter was told they would reluctantly publish her book, not thinking much would ever come of it, she said to Peter Rabbit: "Well, we can't stay home all our lives. We must look at it as an adventure!" That's exactly how I feel. :)

May 31, 2013

Getting into a new rhythm doesn't just happen; I'm discovering you must participate.

I was almost frantic when I first arrived to get my phone situated to receive iMessages properly so I could stay in touch with everything at home as usual. In doing so, I realised I was not able to be fully "here".  The time change, the UK instead of the US, trying to not skip a beat between here and home....or rather, not coming out of one rhythm into another. It was like Sandi was having to wait for me to still "get here", even though physically I was here. Of course my body was slow to change rhythms, having to sleep for several hours before I could even think straight. Something deeper was calling me to participate into going into a new rhythm. Fortunately I noticed sooner than later what I was doing - and mentally, consciously I had to "come into" UK time. Sandi prepared us a dinner, we chatted and watched the Beatrix Potter movie (all trying to keep me awake) so that I could force myself to move on into this new rhythm. ANd then - I slept! All night! The sun came pouring in beneath the red window shade and it was 8:30am, UK time. To be fully present to the moment in time that God has me is the invitation. I can't try to keep one leg "back home" with all my involvements there. I must pull both legs over the fence to this present moment and fully engage in participation with what Father is doing.  Sandi and I are together on this "journey of rhythm" and I want us to get all of the "get" there is to be got from whatever Father has planned for us. Ok, UK time, I'm here now! Like Beatrix Potter said to Peter Rabbit: "We can't stay home all our lives. We must look at it as an adventure!"