What If The Desired Goal Does Not Happen?

I gained a half a pound this week. Now I know that is not much to speak of….however, that means I did not lose any this week. Uh oh….see…that is not good. So of course, as you can imagine, I started obsessing the “whys” and “hows” of how this could happen. Let me digress a moment from the point of this post to clue some curious ones in to some specifics that I have yet to share in this blog. I started on this journey on May 20, 2009. Since that date, I have lost 26 lbs. I am far from the place the doctor wants to see me get to, but I am well on my way and I have been pleased with the results so far. While it has not been easy, it is working and I encourage anyone to let yourself give in to a program like this for at least 8 weeks and I think you will see a “turn” take place that makes it a bit easier.

However, as I was starting to say….be careful of what your real desired goal is. As I was driving home from my Curves workout today, the question hit me, “What if the desired goal never happens?” I mean, I hate to be so morbid sounding (but since I am morbidly obese still, I guess I can sound morbid. L I know…that was a really bad pun) but several years ago my dear friend, Brenda Briggs joined Weight Watcher’s in an effort to take off quite a few pounds, which she was successful in doing. Less than a year later, she suddenly died of a brain tumor. I often thought, “She did all that work and lost all that weight for nothing. She was going to die an early death anyway. She could have just continued to enjoy her eating habits.” So, although I agree with my doctor that I do need to be very concerned about my health and even give it high priority right now, even that cannot be my goal. I could desire to be a size 10 again so I can try on my wedding dress and actually fit into it, but it better not be my goal. The magic number on the scale that I “should” weigh cannot be my goal. To look great in a size 8 pair of jeans by my 50th birthday would not be a wise goal. To be able to look myself in the mirror naked and hear myself honestly say, “Wow! I really do look not only fabulous, but desirable!” is still not a goal that would be good for me to have. By now, you are probably thinking that I am crazy. I admit, it sounds unnatural, other-worldly or something so unreachable that people might disregard this post altogether. But try to hear me out…these are just some of the things that I think God may have placed in my mind and heart. At best, it is my story….for me….and you can do with it what you want.

Whatever is our “goal” can lure us into a contest that God never meant for us to compete in. If any of the above ideas become my focus, it will cause me to be driven, obsessive, discouraged and will ultimately set me up to fail even if I “win the contest”. In a book I am reading the author said this about dieting: Dieting often backfires by setting us up for a lifetime of yo-yo weight gains and losses.” (Weight of Grace; Paula Neall Coleman) Without addressing the heart issues that lie underneath the weight problem to start with, this “yo-yo” sabotage is sure to happen. I can already see it playing out that way as I obsess over the number on the scale. It would go something like this: I set a goal. Let’s say for example, my goal is to get my weight down to 140 lbs and that my joints would no longer throb and ache. Good, healthy, realistic goal, right? So I set out on this path and make some good head-way (losing 26 pounds) and all of a sudden instead of losing some more this week, I gain a half a pound. On top of that, my right leg’s joints have throbbed a little more than usual. So I think to myself, “Oh my gosh! This is not good! I thought I was supposed to lose at least 2-3 pounds a week! I thought my joints would be healed by now or at best, feeling a lot better than 10 weeks ago! I gotta step up the pace here…I’ve gotta really be more careful about testing the waters with something other than shakes and bars. I gotta make sure I don’t miss going to Curves not for one day. I think I’ll have some sunflower seeds…oops…better just have a handful instead of a quarter of an ounce.” Driven, obsessing all about the contest I have going on with myself. Yet, that certain number on the scale can be so appealing. It draws me in like a magnet. Before I know it, I am trapped in this crazy dieting frenzy. Then, if I do end up reaching the “goal”, I will be driven to keep the goal in place. If I miss the “goal”, I will be discouraged and possibly even give up or be resentful. The whole thing cannot be about “contest”.

Do I really want to lose weight and see my health be at a better place in my latter years? Of course I do. Is that bad? No, I don’t think so at all. By now, I actually believe God Himself has put that desire, commitment and determination in my heart. However, none of that can be my “goal” if I expect to continue living a lifestyle change of making wiser, healthier choices for myself. But what if I give in to the process of looking at my heart issues that are beneath all of my unhealthy way of making choices? Proverbs says, “For as he thinks within himself, so he is.” (Proverbs 23:7) Out of the heart springs forth how we act, respond and behave. Our heart is revealed in and by what we do whether outward or in secret. Remember the first week that I met with Dr. Sarmiento? She said something that exposed my heart; “You are not mindful of what you eat or what it costs you health-wise.” Oh, I remember…it stung like a razor. It cut deep and past the chase and resonated as truth. I was convicted. There was no where to squirm or hide after that exposure. The only wise response was for me to decide what I was going to do with this new revelation. That part of my heart that is not completely yielded perfectly to the reality of my risen identity in Jesus still has some growing and conforming to do. “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son.” (Romans 8:28-29)
If I make “being mindful of what I eat” my “goal” or desired result, it changes the whole dynamic. It motivates me from within instead of from a “try-harder” mentality. When I gain a half a pound (or 10), learning to be mindful can become my friend and lead me to see where I can make a better choice tomorrow. Being mindful can cause me to think on the things that God deems important instead of my superficial insignificances. Being mindful can free me from the vicious trap of focusing on the scale, the figure, the clothes size, etc. Being mindful can be my first step of looking intently at the heart and desiring for it to reflect the glory of Jesus more than the glory of myself. That is a noble goal…and it is a desired result that He will see to it happens! It was His idea, by the way.