Does it have to be enjoyable to be good?

July 21, 2010

I’m tired and at this precise moment, actually feeling strong homesickness. Our time is drawing to a close and it is good. The whole experience has been good. Not always comfortable or enjoyable, but good. Sometimes when you are being stretched and challenged you don’t feel as though it is a good time. Especially when friends and family back home are asking the infamous question, “Are you having fun?” Trying to figure out how to answer that question is similar to knowing how to respond when the computer at Curves makes this statement: “Hope you enjoyed your workout.” Okay…so do they have to use THAT word? Anyway, my point is that something doesn’t have to be enjoyable or fun for it to be good. We still have a few other things that we are determined yet to do before our flight home. Tomorrow we are going to the British Museum, escorted by a former Muslim who is now a follower of Jesus and works alongside some of the World Harvest missionaries. Last week he was invited to participate in a debate against another Muslim and there were approximately 400 people in attendance. Most were there to side with the Islamic beliefs but there was a remnant of Christians in the mix. Anyway, this guy is going to go with us to the British Museum and give some knowledgeable information about what is on display. We are looking forward to that and feel like his participation in it will make it a lot more beneficial than just seeing what is there. We also want to try to locate a particular tea shop that we were told about. It is in the Covent Garden area, so we will try to navigate ourselves around to that spot. On Friday, it is our plan to see the Windsor Castle, be there in time to view the “changing of the guards” and also have our final Afternoon Tea experience at a place that some locals recommended. We may finish our final time here by having dinner with some of the World Harvest missionaries before packing our bags and getting a good night’s sleep at Joel’s before flying out on Saturday morning.

I know many of you have been following the photos and comments on Facebook and you have probably wanted more notes like this one. However, it just isn’t easy to take the time to write out my thoughts and post them. The timing of how our life is scheduled while here, the non-consistent access to internet, the time it takes to process just what you are thinking, feeling and experiencing all makes it difficult to give family, friends and supporters back home a good picture of what an experience like this is really like. Thanks for your interest. Thanks for your support in so many ways: financial, emotional, prayer, thoughts, etc. All of your support is felt strongly by the team and we really appreciate it. Whenever you hear a missionary say that they could not do this without you, it is true. Whenever a missionary tells you that you are here with us, that too is true. So, in reality we are all missionaries. Some of us go, while others stay home. But in whatever way you are supporting a missionary, it is vital and we share a common bond. Let me just make this one final note about support. If you had wanted to support any one of us on this team and just let it slip your mind and feel like it is too late, it is not too late. The expenses are much higher here than any other place I have personally been, so please feel free to share in whatever way God leads you. Grace Community Church is still accepting support monies for this mission and they are handling all of that for us. (The address is: 495 Cardinal Road, Mills River, NC 28759.)

We will be scheduling a time to share our experience for those of you who really are interested in hearing more details. We will be informing you of the date, time and place. Continue to cover us in your prayers.

Sunday in India

Sunday, February 07, 2010

I think it is Sunday….or is it Saturday?? I honestly have no clue. But I guess it doesn’t really matter, does it? The team has been quite busy between teaching the conference and visiting the children’s home. There really are two separate opportunities for ministry to happen for us here. The children love it when we show up where they are. The first time we met them, they were brought to the local KFC for dinner. We were there already waiting for them. As they all filed in, their faces were gleaming. Beautiful, intelligent and respectful faces. They were so happy. Dr. Anjuli Nayak has created this home for them, each one representing a family where both parents have died. This particular children’s home only accepts “true orphans” and apparently a child left with no living parents is what that means. There are a total of thirty three of them . We brought them each a new pair of shoes, games, books, movies, clothes and jelly beans.

The Galatians conference began on Friday morning with approximately 200 Indian pastors and students from villages as far as 100 miles away. Their enthusiasm and charisma was refreshing. To watch them soak in the teaching of the Scriptures all day long amazed me. Often in the U.S. we think an hour and a half long class is the maximum anyone could expect us to sit through. These men and women studied for hours, took a lunch break, and came back for more teaching the rest of the afternoon and into early evening. By the time we finish this conference tomorrow afternoon, we will have worked our way through the entire book of Galatians. Then on Wednesday, we fly off to Varanasi for the second conference. We have been told by numerous local people that Varanasi is a very “religious” place. By this, they mean it is over 70% Hindu and the rest mostly Muslim. There are over 200,000 idols in the city and it is the location of the Ganges River where people go to die. They believe if they die there, they go straight to heaven. So, we go to this place on Wednesday of next week to begin sessions on Thursday.

Getting to a place where we could access the internet has been impossible. Between the locations we are staying in and our crazy schedule, it just couldn’t happen for us. Right now, I have one hour of internet access which I was finally able to acquire, but I am so sleepy, I am not sure how much I will get done. All in all, it has been a good trip. There is so much to tell but not the time right now to write it all down. I am taking pictures on my phone and trying to post some of them on Facebook. It seems my phone can take me to that sight as well as bring in my emails. Other than that, my phone is useless.

Once again, trust has been the biggest challenge for me. Trusting Jesus that He has a reason for my being here in this place for such a time as this, trusting His provision, and trusting Him to speak through me to the ones I am teaching. Today was my first time to teach here and God came through as He always does. I had so much fun interacting with God’s people here. I am exhausted tonight, but it is a good exhaustion. I’ll write more later.

(By the way, living here gives a whole new meaning to the expression “Holy Cow!”)

Fly Day

I am at Kathy Bearce's home in Alpharetta, GA where I spent the night last evening. Our escort will pick us up at 1:30PM to take us to the airport. So....today is "fly day". Yes, I am nervous, but also excited. My family asked me at dinner the other evening what I was nervous about. I didn't have to think long to answer. For me, the uncertainty of it all; not knowing what to expect, what to do, how to respond to circumstances and surroundings. I am such an "atmosphere" person that I am often most challenged in that realm. From the very early stages of agreeing to go on this trip all the way to "leaving day", my ability to trust has been the ultimate test for me. Trusting for financial provision, trusting myself with a group of people I do not know, trusting myself to participate in an assignment in a third world country, trusting myself in this new test of my weight loss journey. The strong call to trust "not knowing where", reminds me of Abraham. In Genesis 12, the Lord told Abram to "leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you." A few verses later, the Scripture tells us his response: "So Abram left as the Lord had told him." I can relate. I really believe God invited me to participate in this adventure and sent me out. So, I left and here I am getting ready to check my bags, go through customs and board that big silver bird. My trust is ultimately in the One who is sending me. I know that He is a protective and caring Father that gives good gifts to His children. While I am nervous, I also feel taken care of. As I choose to rest in that, it allows me to focus my mind and thoughts on the purpose for which I am going. Watch this....the passage in Genesis says it clearly and says it in my own vernacular; "....and you will be a blessing." I love that!!! I say that all the time..."just trying to be a blessing." So right here as God is promising Abram all that He promises, He also lets his servant know how He will cause him to be a blessing to others. How cool is that? I know there is much more in these verses about significant things, but that is what jumped out to me in my circumstances today. I know that I will be greatly blessed by this experience....and in turn will be a blessing to others. That is encouraging and a good perspective to have as I take a deep breath, center down, relax....and know that "you will be a blessing". Thanks God for such sweet words in my own accent.

Chocolate Cake Batter in India

These are some children from an orphanage in India where I will be visiting in just a couple of weeks. They had been learning to bake a cake in this picture and doing the very thing I love to do when I bake a cake: lick the bowl and enjoy the batter! Yum! Maybe we will relate to each other after all. It seems the enjoyment of cake batter is universal and cross-cultural, so perhaps my personal story about how much God loves to lavish His extravagant forgiveness and mercy to me will travel across the ocean and reach the hearts of these precious Indian people. As I reflect today on my upcoming trip, I find my heart is anxious about several things. Finances...but then what's new about that? Cross-cultural relevance...but then whose responsibility is that really? Will I like the food or should I take my own? Will my senses be so much on overload that I want to scream and rush back to the airport to go home? Isn't it funny how quick we are to fret and fear? I don't want to give in to those common, natural emotions though. I don't want that to be the main focus of my attention. I want to say with Abraham in Genesis 22, "Here am I." And I want to trust in the provision of my Provider. I want to be excited about the awesome opportunity and experience this trip promises to be. I want to give in to the whole thing; to embrace whatever is in store for me and the others with spontaneity and adventure. I just want to move among a different people for a couple of weeks and see where God is at work there. I know He is. His love and delight isn't just American. His mercy and faithfulness is cross-cultural and universal. Open my eyes, broaden my view and perspective beyond my own little bubble of a world. There is a great big world out there....and there is more going on it than my concern of whether my weight maintenance is on schedule or not. (More on that in the next post, as I know that several of my blog followers are curious about where things stand in regard to my weight loss journey.)

What If?

What if you made the wrong decision that affected another person’s life? I mean, really affected that person’s life? What if he really wasn’t the one and he was sentenced to 90 years in prison for a crime he didn’t commit? What if you were one of the ones responsible for that wrong verdict? I have been told (and told others), “It is never a good idea to do the whole ‘what if’ thing.” But still…..it is human nature to question and doubt. In the midst of these kinds of overwhelmingly mixed emotions, it is so easy to gravitate toward food as comfort or distraction. I feel like this week has been the biggest test I have experienced since the beginning of my weight loss journey. I would have never thought of myself as one who ate for comfort. But I know it is true. Actually, I think we all do. But this is my story….not everyone else’s right now. So, yesterday after the final moments in court, I drove into a familiar Zaxby’s. And yes, I ordered the homemade potato chips, extra crispy with light seasoning: all 800 calories of them. I ate about one third of them and was disappointed. They were not extra crispy and they left me without comfort. I realized I didn’t even like them. I couldn’t wait to get the remains out of my car. I continued to drive and drive….and wound up at a place I have recently come to enjoy in downtown Asheville. (I know….big surprise….most of my friends and family know that downtown Asheville is one of my least favored spots.) However, as I parked in the garage and made my way up the street through the doorway to “the place to sip, snack and relax”, it became apparent what truly comforted me. I ordered a chicken salad and a Lavendar Pear Martini. And I sipped, snacked and relaxed. It was good for the soul. It wasn’t the potato chips that successfully comforted. Neither was it the chicken salad or the martini. Rather, the space and atmosphere that surrounded and enveloped me gave me that sense of retreat and calm that I was craving in my chaotic mind. Earlier that morning, in another parking garage…outside the courthouse…I opened my Bible to a familiar passage from Isaiah. It read, “Behold my servant, whom I uphold, my chosen, in whom my soul delights; I have put My Spirit upon Him; He will bring forth justice to the nations. He will not cry aloud or lift up His voice, or make it heard in the streets; a bruised reed (poor and needy) He will not break, and a faintly burning wick (representing someone close to losing faith and hope) He will not quench; He will faithfully bring forth justice. He will not grow faint or be discouraged till He has established justice in the earth; and the coastlands wait for His law.” There is no need in my “what if-ing”. He will establish justice. The Prince of Peace will bring forth and establish justice – His way and in His time. I might as well not cave into false guilt, emotion or doubt. I don’t need to “feed” those negative, harmful enemies. They leave me dissatisfied and hungry every time. I can turn, in faith, once again even if it is just a minute amount of faith and He will not quench my small flicker of a flame of hope. I can trust that He will see me through. What if the Servant of the Most High God redeems even a wrong verdict with His sure justice? Just what if?

Mr. Lamb

When my nephew, Levi, was born I took Mr. Lamb to the hospital. The soft, cuddly stuffed animal that played the tune Jesus Loves Me, quickly became his favored possession. Everywhere Levi went, Mr. Lamb was sure to go. Today he is worn and ragged and not so clung to anymore, but this comfortable “security blanket” has done the job he was meant to do. I thought about Mr. Lamb this morning in terms of my weight issue. Being overweight and gravitating toward certain foods is much like clinging to Mr. Lamb. Webster’s defines comfort this way: to soothe, console or reassure; a feeling of relief or consolation; a state of ease and satisfaction; something that promotes such a state. Anytime Levi was going to spend the night at Grandma and Papa’s it always brought a state of ease or comfort as long as Mr. Lamb went too. Whenever the cuddly animal was left at home, we had to make a u-turn and go back to get him. Being overweight becomes a state in which you feel comfortable. You come to accept yourself as the size you are. You cannot imagine you any other way. My weight had become in part, my security blanket. Eating certain foods brought emotional satisfaction. Without realizing it, I subconsciously turned to certain foods for relief, for comfort. Macaroni and cheese, potato chips, all kinds of yummy breads and CAKE! Homemade pound cake, chocolate cake, Mama Jean’s strawberry cake, cupcakes and the list goes on. Oh! And Krispy Kreme doughnuts called my name especially if the “hot sign” was on. When I would have a good Aloette show or a Bible study would be especially encouraging, I rewarded that sense of accomplishment with a hot, glazed doughnut on the way home. Or if I had a yucky Aloette show or the Bible study left me feeling like nothing I said made sense to anyone, I found comfort in stopping for the doughnut or the McDonald’s French fries.

The comfort I found was a substitute – no, a counterfeit. It masqueraded as relief and satisfaction when in reality it was very deceptive. I ended up obese at potential risk of multiple health problems. The extra weight on my joints produced the first of my health risks. Addicted to an eating lifestyle that was crippling me as well as holding me back from doing some enjoyable things, I finally realized that I needed to make some changes. Yes, I needed to watch what I ate and lose some weight. But more importantly than that, I needed to see that an underlying issue was in looking deeply into why I was overweight. Seeing that I turn to food for comfort instead of seeking the Comforter was a bigger heart issue. At first I had to simply refuse myself the things that I had learned to crave. As I have said before, I had to agree to go into “rehab” and break the habits I had formed. In that process, I also began to acknowledge the unhealthy reasons and motivations for looking to food. Could I exchange the counterfeit of food as comfort for the real Source of comfort and reassurance? Once I saw how ridiculous the counterfeit was, it changed my mind and my heart.

“All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, He brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. We have plenty of hard times that come from following the Messiah, but no more so than the good times of His healing comfort…we had hard times….it was so bad we didn’t think we were going to make it. We thought it was all over for us. As it turned out, it was the best thing that could have happened. Instead of trusting in our own strength or wits to get out of it, we were forced to trust God totally – not a bad idea since He’s the God who raises the dead! And He did it, rescued us from certain doom. And He’ll do it again, rescuing us as many times as we need rescuing.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-10 – The Message)

Living Life Freely & Lightly

August 28, 2009

Well….August is almost over and I haven’t written here the whole month. I’m sorry. All is well….it has just been a busy month. At the end of July, we celebrated Luke’s 21st birthday. Then I went to the beach for a week with 3 awesome friends. When I returned, we dived in to planning Elizabeth’s birthday celebration. Now, the fall teaching schedule starts with me serving on two round tables and time has just flown past me without my permission. However, I have had some things on my mind.

While at the beach, I decided to continue my workout routine at the local Curves. That is one of the benefits of that particular gym; when you are a member of one, you’re a member of all. One morning one of the girls vacationing with me mentioned how impressive that was that I would do that. I did thank her for her kind words, but then responded, “You know, that is one of our mentalities that is not good. We tend to think when we are on vacation, we should do whatever we want which usually includes indulging ourselves with food that we wouldn’t normally have.” My previous thought pattern has been similar to the one our society has around holidays too. But what I realize is actually happening in me is a new way of thinking….a whole new lifestyle of eating patterns that continue no matter where you are or what season of the year it is. For me, I really have learned to ask myself why I am wanting “this or that”? Am I really hungry? Is this the best choice for me right now? How much is it costing me? Of course, I mean “how many calories is it costing me”? I have started a new motivation to that concept by putting dollar marks in front of the number of calories a particular food is. For example: those infamous Zaxby’s homemade potato chips…they are $800. Now, would it make any sense for me to actually spend $800 on potato chips? Would I really do that? Of course not! That is absurd! So, why would I spend 800 of my 800 calorie a day allowance on them?? I mean, even if I were going to have 1000-1200 calories a day, would it be a wise expense? Not to mention the other questions that now go through my head – “How much protein is there in the chips?” “How long will they satisfy me before my body will need something else…something better for me”? Once I process all that…and it usually doesn’t even take me longer than about a minute, I realize I don’t really even want them anymore. Most likely I never WANTED them….I just CRAVED them…and use to indulge with no thought whatsoever. Remember?? “I was not mindful of what I ate or what it cost me.” It is amazing to me how my heart and mind has really been changed from the inside out on this issue. I am still sticking to between 800-1000 calories a day, with most days being between 800-870. I work out regularly at Curves and progressing daily on each machine, burning an average of 375 calories a workout. I feel great. I have dropped 2-3 full sizes in my clothes. I walk up and down stairs like I am suppose to with one foot in front of the other. While at the beach, we stayed in a third floor condo and I only used the elevator the first night we got there to haul our luggage up. After that, I used the stairs every time we came or went. For Elizabeth’s birthday, she requested that we rent costumes from the flapper era of the 1920’s to wear to the musical Chicago. Had I not lost my weight and dropped these clothes sizes, I could have never done that with her. The reason I am listing all these things is because I realized something significant: these are all things I could not do freely 3 months ago. When I celebrated my birthday in March, I avoided all stairs like the plaque and gravitated to the elevator or moving stairs. I parked as close to the store as I could possibly get and would drive around the parking lot until a close space opened up. When I would get up from my seat at the theatre at the end of a movie and begin to make my way down the stairs, I never put one foot in front of the other….rather I placed my right foot on the step and then the right foot again and so on. I walked like an older person. I never wanted to go on walks. Now, I am searching the internet for local waterfalls to walk to. I want to rent a bicycle to ride. While I don’t “enjoy” working out at Curves, I do feel better after having spent my time there…and feel like I am missing something in my day if I don’t go. Who is this new Cynthia? Where did the other girl go? I am still me, but my mind and heart has been changed in regard to food, health, exercise and you know what is even way cooler than all that? My hope is renewed. My faith is strengthened. My belief in God who cares about everything that concerns me is firmer than ever. The goal is no longer the goal. The number on the scale is not my focus. Living life freely and lightly is my focus. I feel lighter….and I don’t just mean physically. God is so good. He has done this…and I cannot take the credit or glory.